Every sport has its moments of public humiliation, and longboarding is no exception. It’s not the gnarly wipeout after attempting a difficult trick that we’re concerned about. It’s that low-speed, unexpected fall—the kind that happens right in front of a crowd—that really stings. We’re talking about the “pie-in-the-face,” “tail-between-the-legs” level of slam that makes you want to disappear. If you’ve ever experienced such a slam, you know the reaction is often worse than the fall itself. So, how can you navigate this embarrassing situation with a bit of grace (or at least, less cringe)? Here are a few strategies to try out next time you find yourself eating pavement.
A person falling off a skateboard
The Shakespearean Drama
After a particularly brutal slam, channel your inner thespian. Launch into a dramatic monologue about the excruciating pain you’re experiencing. Think of it as your personal “Et tu, Brute?” moment. Use archaic words like “hath” and “thou” to really sell the performance. If you’re feeling particularly ambitious, try to squeeze out a fake tear. With enough conviction, you might just earn yourself a standing ovation rather than awkward stares. This approach turns a moment of embarrassment into a captivating performance.
Illustration of a person in a Shakespearean pose after falling
The Houdini Vanish
For a relatively small investment, you can get your hands on some smoke pellets. While designed for testing smoke alarms, they also work wonders as a magician’s disappearing act. After you take a tumble, toss one of these pellets on the ground and vanish into a cloud of smoke and mystery. Let the onlookers ponder whether you were ever really there. This is a great way to avoid any further scrutiny and quietly exit the scene.
Illustration of a person disappearing in a puff of smoke after falling
The Masochistic Show
Turn your slam into an absurd and bewildering spectacle. Do anything that will shock those who witnessed your fall. Yell at the top of your lungs about how much you loved the experience. If you’re bleeding, well, embrace your inner rockstar and lick it off like you’re Ozzy Osbourne. Channel those intense, “I’m gonna do it again!” vibes. Get up, rev yourself back up and slam again, but this time even harder. The sheer unexpectedness of your reaction may just confuse everyone into forgetting your initial misstep.
Illustration of a person behaving erratically after falling
The Dr. Strange Reality Hop
According to the multiverse theory, there is a reality out there where you didn’t actually slam. While it took Dr. Strange a few years to master the art of reality-hopping, with enough time and dedication, this could be your ticket to a shame-free existence. If you do manage to crack the code, please do everyone a favor and find a reality where writing about this topic is less awkward.
Illustration of a person doing the hand motions from Dr Strange
The Possum Ploy
Play dead. The theory goes that if you lie perfectly still and ignore all inquiries of “Are you okay?!”, people will get bored and leave you alone. Just be warned, real possums can play dead for anywhere between 40 minutes and 4 hours. So, if you’ve got places to be, this might not be the best course of action.
Illustration of a person playing dead on the ground after a fall
The Buyout Bribe
Got some extra cash burning a hole in your pocket? Offer to buy lunch for everyone who witnessed your fall. Don’t skimp on the extras: guac, margaritas – the works! Once they’re good and full, make them swear to never speak of the incident again. This method is especially effective if your audience is a bit strapped for cash. If they refuse to keep quiet, you can always hit them with the bill and send a few @Venmo requests. Money is a great motivator.
Illustration of a person handing out money after falling
Conclusion
Slamming is an inevitable part of longboarding. It’s how you react that makes all the difference. Whether you choose the dramatic Shakespearean monologue, the mysterious Houdini vanish, or the bizarre masochistic display, remember that a little bit of humor and self-awareness can go a long way in diffusing an embarrassing moment. Now, get back on your board and go conquer the pavement, armed with these strategies.
Note: This article was inspired by an original piece with creative illustrations. The content has been expanded and optimized for search engines, keeping the original spirit intact.
